5 Ways to Give a Woman an Unforgettable Compliment

Hint: “Hi Sexy” doesn’t cut it

8 min readNov 30, 2020

Any woman on a dating app has grown accustomed to a barrage of empty compliments. There’s the spammer guy who sends the “Hi Beautiful” to every woman within a 50 miles radius. Or the guy that within 3 minutes of witty text exchanges peppers in a “Your hot.” (Bad grammar intended…and even more egregious if you are flirting with a writer.)

But then there is the man whose compliment makes you feel like a Stradivarius violin begging to be played.

All flirtation begins with flattery. A good compliment smashes fears and tears down walls. It clears the cobwebs from our ancient hearts and seduces us into the quiet recesses of unbound love. And just using the right words begins that dance.

But in our fast-paced world, many have forgotten how to slow down and give a great compliment. Here are some tips on how to be the guy who seduces with a memorable compliment.

You turn a flaw into an asset.

In the eighteenth century, Giacomo Casanova fell in love with a beautiful actress and was determined to have her. Unfortunately, she had one not-so-sexy peccadillo — a speech impediment that prevented her from saying “r” words. Undeterred, Casanova set out to charm her.

So he wrote her a play without a single “r” word that she could perform for her fans.

Now, Casanova could have given his lady love money for a speech coach or handed her a few eighteenth-century self-help books on elocution. But he did not. Casanova didn’t try to fix her flaw. Because he did not hear her ineloquent “r” words. He only heard all the letters of the alphabet she could pronounce.

People who give great compliments are like master diamond cutters. They cut the right angles to make even the lowest grade diamond shine. They may see minor blemishes and weaknesses, but they highlight only strengths.

We grow attached to people who allow us to be vulnerable. A good compliment tells the other person — it’s ok to be perfectly imperfect.

People who give great compliments are like master diamond cutters. They cut the right angles to make even the lowest grade diamond shine.

You notice something unusual.

Instead of offering generic praise, most women want to hear that you adore her uniqueness.

Maybe you notice the delightful way her nose crinkles when she laughs. Or perhaps you are captivated by her penchant for climbing tall structures in heels. (Don’t knock it until you try it.) Women don’t want to hear that she has a sexy butt. She wants to hear that you noticed the freckle on her butt.

Be the guy who takes the time to notice something special about her instead of something generic. Women adore that guy.

You see her possibilities more than her accomplishments.

Women don’t want to be admired for the awards they have already won. Polishing someone’s medals does not make them feel special. What makes a woman feel special is when she sees her infinite possibilities reflected in her lover’s eye. He sees the person she has yet to become.

For example, instead of complimenting someone on a recent work promotion, tell them how you know they will go far in life because of a specific skill. Maybe it’s how she juggles multiple projects, her creative problem-solving skills, or her calm, analytical approach to any crisis. Compliment your lover’s untapped potential and future accomplishments instead of the accomplishments she has already achieved.

What makes a woman feel special is when she sees her infinite possibilities reflected in her lover’s eye.

Don’t make your compliment a transaction.

We all know those people who pay you a compliment right before they ask for something. Nothing makes someone feel like they have swallowed dirty pool water than a compliment that foreshadows a request.

Great compliments are like a well-timed orchestra. They reach their crescendo at the right moments. This especially holds true for that romantic milestone of saying, “I love you.”

Never say it for the first time during sex. That is guaranteed to not go over well. “I love you’s” during sex are like throwing pennies into a wishing well. They are cheap and never make the words come true.

In a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, psychologist Josh Ackerman found women were happier to hear first-time declarations of love after sex, not before or during. The reason is simple. A woman knows that a host of hormones and neurotransmitters mess with your thoughts during that mid-coitus flood of emotion. And let’s face it. An “I love you” during or before sex is you thinking with your little head and not your big head.

If you genuinely feel it…you will still feel it when the waves of pleasure pass. So wait for a quiet moment free of lust, and it will feel less transactional.

“I love you’s” during sex are like throwing pennies into a wishing well. They are cheap and never make the words come true.

Practice Sprezzatura

Sprezzatura is an Italian word coined by master seducer Baldassare Castiglione in his 1528 The Book of the Courtier. He defined it as “art which does not seem to be an art.” In modern parlance, this is acting naturally and unaffected. A great compliment appears effortless like you are merely stating the obvious.

My ten-year-old son is a consummate flatterer. I recently had a birthday, and he bounded into my room with a “Happy 35th birthday!”

I laughed, “You know I am not 35.”

He responded, “Nooooo. It can’t be so. You don’t look a day over 20.”

Yes, I am giving you love advice from a ten-year-old, but stay with me… Children have a spontaneous and sometimes brazen way of speaking. So when they give a compliment, there’s less chance of duplicity. A natural, guileless, Sprezzatura compliment springs out of this childlike purity.

“Women can resist a man’s love, a man’s fame, a man’s personal appearance, and a man’s money, but they cannot resist a man’s tongue…”― Wilkie Collins, The Woman in White

As a final tip, I leave you with love advice from ostriches. When a male ostrich wants to woo his mate, he does a ridiculous dance for her that kind of resembles a drunken Irish step dancer. A great compliment is your ostrich dance. It doesn’t have to be graceful or perfectly in tune with the beat. But it does have to be genuine and instinctive. So speak those sweet words when you really mean them.